Secrets Kept Secret.

I am writing this post almost a full month before I can share it. It was hard to keep it a secret for so long.

On Friday, May 13, I got a visit from my Superintendent. He sat down in front of me, and told me he was recommending my job be reinstated at the June 9th Board Meeting. I almost passed out.

He told me that they recognized everything I've done this year and the past three years I've worked there. He told me they value me as an employee, and that I'm an integral part of the goals of the district. He told me they may be moving me. He told me I was employed if the Board passes the vote on June 9th.

Let me say that again: HE TOLD ME I'M EMPLOYED.

He also told me I needed to keep it quiet for now. Out of the 22 teachers still being laid off, there is only myself and one other person being saved. We are the very, very lucky ones. It's simply not fair that so many talented, smart, amazing teachers will still be facing what I was facing. It's not right that they could only save a handful of us when every single teacher being let go deserves their job. I am blessed in a way that I can't fathom to have been given my job back.

I had to close my eyes when he was talking to me so I didn't throw up on his shoes or start crying. I am so relieved, so grateful, so happy I have my job. I had hit my worst just a few days before. I was in despair. I was lost, directionless, hopeless, worried. At that moment, when he told me that I could work there again, I felt...sure. I was back to where I thought I was before this all started. My life was on track. I knew what I was supposed to be doing. I am meant to be in a school--this school.

After he left, I had to sit down on the floor and take it in. I told my clerk and we celebrated together. My principal came in and hugged me. I ran into the computer lab and called my husband and my mom as the weight of the past three months lifted off my shoulders.

You know what's strange? I'm happy this happened to me. It was good for me. It woke me up and made me realize that I'm content to live in my small hometown. It made me realize I'm ready for a new challenge, so bring on the middle school if that's what's supposed to happen next. It certainly made me more resilient, so if (and when, because there's a good shot that it will) it happens again next year, I think I'll be better off than I was this time. It brought out my creative side, started a new business in baking, renewed my need to write, and made me take stock of my life.

At the same time, I'm a little melancholy. I was geared up to go do something wild and reckless. I had a vision of staying home with babies, or working at a college, or becoming a full time writer, or moving to a new place. There's a huge part of me that wants to always be on the move, trying new things, seeing new places. I am endlessly restless. I have to balance that desire for change with the realization that when I was being forced into a drastic situation I wanted to stay where I already am. I need to remember to value what I've got instead of always wanting something else. This is enough, more than enough.

So, here comes another year....and who knows what the next few weeks will bring. Who knows what the next year will bring? I'll keep blogging, though the original theme of the blog will change. Life keeps moving, and shifting, and changing. Though I may not be totally starting over anymore, I am starting something new. I can't wait to see what happens.