The most nerve-wracking time of the year.

Until last year, I would have never thought of February and March as being a time of the year that was particularly stressful or sleep-depriving. But, after going through the entire budget process last year (and having my position cut, and happily/mercifully/amazingly/gratefully restored), February and March are now my absolute least favorite months.

Local schools have recently been announcing their plans for budget cuts. The latest comes from Vestal; you can read about it here: http://www.pressconnects.com/article/20120221/NEWS01/202210384/Changes-weighed-Vestal-schools?odyssey=tab|topnews|text|FRONTPAGE

The Vestal Superintendent makes it a point to say that the cuts mentioned are only options at this point, not decisions set in stone. Still, it makes me horribly nauseous and nervous and scared when I read that Vestal is considering 2 (TWO!?) library media cuts. If I'm not misinformed/mistaken, I'm pretty sure they made library media cuts last year, too, when they didn't replace retirees and now the LMSs  are covering multiple buildings. How are they going to cut more?

It also scares me that librarians are on the table again. It makes me worry about my job. I have to say, I'm a lot less freaked out this year than last year so far, but maybe that's just because I haven't actually heard anything yet. I keep getting these horrible flashbacks to last year (the year anniversary of that nightmare is tomorrow) when my principal found me in another teacher's room, and white-faced and grim, told me I needed to go to the conference room immediately...
...The instant panic that overtook me.
...Telling the teacher I was with that I thought I was losing my job...and being right.
...Walking down that long hallway with my heart in my throat.
...Sitting around the same table where we now have our monthly birthday breakfast and looking at the faces of my colleagues, most of whom looked as confused or scared as I felt as we waited for the meeting to start. ...Embarrassingly crying SO hard in front of everyone as they told us our positions were slated to be cut.
...Walking back down the hall and hearing other teachers sob, shell-shocked and stunned.
...Calling my husband and my mom in the car and trying to stay calm while I told them the news.
...Meeting with the union and an alarmingly HUGE number of teachers that heard the same thing on the same day in the church across the street.
...Going home and starting this blog and every other day after that while I considered my future, held my breath and crossed my fingers.

I really hope it doesn't happen again this year. Please, please, please.

Yet, if it does, I feel better prepared, if that's even possible. I feel like I lived through it once, so I can live through it again. I probably should be MORE scared with a baby on the way, but I feel like it's a bridge I can cross if and when I get there. We have more savings this year, and have sort of kept it in the back of our minds that it could happen again. We were OK last year; we'll be OK again. We have to be.

So, there's that. In the meantime, I'd much rather focus on the exciting, fun things that are happening than dwell on what might be. I have officially started my 6th month of pregnancy and am in the last 4 weeks of my 2nd trimester. Time is flying! Here's some bump updates:
Here I am just 2 short weeks after the last photo post, right after we found out it's a boy...

And then two weeks after that...I feel like I triple in size every 2 weeks! Maybe I should lay off the pudding I want to devour every night...

I can't believe I'm over halfway done with this pregnancy, and into the 6th month. Only 4 short months to go! Also, big congrats to Miss Kristina and her TWINS on the way. So many babies coming soon, our guy is going to have quite the little circle of buddies! 

Oh, so THESE are pregnancy symptoms

**Disclaimer: I started this post about a week ago and forgot to finish it. Don't mind the schizophrenia.

So, I've been waiting for this. After coasting through the first trimester with nothing worse than the queasies, bragging about how I feel awesome and no major symptoms so far and walking around like Queen Pregnancy, I knew the other shoe had to drop sometime. Apparently, for this pregnancy, it was the halfway point that did it.
In the last week, I've simultaneously developed the following:

• Back pain when I sit on the couch/stand/lay for extended periods of time
• Hip pain when I lay down on one side for more than an hour--resulting in me flopping over like an out of breath whale to readjust "the sandwich", my husband's term for the fortress of pillows I surround myself with nightly. 
• Foot/leg pain when I stand for long periods.

(Side note: all of the above severely limits my potential for feeling comfortable. I've been rotating between the 3 options as frequently as possible)
Also:

• Sinuses that have ceased to function--breathing through my nose is no longer a viable option for actual oxygen intake
• Heartburn. Oh my god, that evil, evil heartburn. I read somewhere that it means the baby is growing hair. He better come out with a head of lush locks at the rate I'm going. I get heartburn at the following times: When I eat. When I'm hungry. When I lay down. In other words, constantly. 
• And, my favorite as of last night--Charlie horse-style cramps in my legs! Awesome!

So, to be blunt: I. am. freaking. miserable.

Hilariously, my midwife said to me, "I can just tell you love being pregnant. You can always tell the ones that like it. You have that glow!". I didn't have the heart to do anything but smile lamely and nod, like, Oh yes, I just love  feeling like everything from my esophagus downwards is broken/malfunctioning. It's a miracle! 

Don't get me wrong, it's nothing terrible and I have had it so easy thus far, especially compared to the horror stories I've read. I also generally do like being pregnant. I know it could be (and may get) much, much worse and I've really lucked out. I think it's because the beginning was so easy that I feel super cranky about these new symptoms. Plus, I keep telling myself getting up every hour is excellent practice for when the baby arrives.

Here's where the old post ends and the update starts:
So, I broke down and bought a Snoogle. Check it:

Yes, I know it looks like the most ridiculous thing in the world. But pregnant ladies, I am telling you: THIS WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE. It's crazy expensive online, but I got it for about $35 bucks at Burlington (using a 15% off coupon). YES. Because of this little stuffed miracle burrito of comfort, I can now sleep through the night, sit on the couch, and generally exist without misery. The website has about a million suggestions for ways to use this beauty: http://www.leachco.com/snoogle/snooglepositions.html
My personal favs are Back to Back and Donut Delux. Oh jeez, now I want a donut.

In other news, one of the sweetest ladies in my work family, Gina, bought my little guy the absolute sweetest little gift yesterday. He's now the proud owner of a squeal-inducing giraffe onesie set (with little giraffe feets and a little giraffe hat!), Brown Bear, Brown Bear (a super cute book) and matching stuffed bear. I see some serious cuddle/reading fests in our future. Thanks, Gina! We love it!

I'm also rounding out the last week of month 5--here comes month 6 and the last month of the second trimester! Woo hoo!

It's a boy!

Today we went for our anatomy scan. It was so exciting and surreal to see our little baby a. actually looking like a baby, and b. moving around in there. Our ultrasound tech was completely amazing and spent so much time with us, showing us all the important parts...plus the most important "part" that let us know we're welcoming a little mister! With two male pets, my husband, and this little guy on the way, I'm going to continue to be in a house surrounded by boys...or as Doug put it, "The house of dude prevails!" Doug was so excited, he immediately wanted to go out and get Lego sets and Star Wars onesies. I think I'm gonna need some serious lady time in the near future...pedis anyone?

I think the most amazing thing is to see how he's grown from this itty bitty bean:

6 weeks

To our little "Casper":

8 weeks

To this cute little peanut with a teensy nose and tiny feet:

I seriously can't believe that in about 4 1/2-5 months we get to meet him! I feel like he already has quite the personality. He was tapping his little feet in there today, scratching his head, and rolling around. He even had the hiccups (which I think is hilarious since I get them all. the. time). I found out I'm feeling so much because he's positioned really close to the front of my stomach, and my posterior placenta means there's no cushion to muffle the movements. He also has a beautiful set of kidneys, a nice strong spine, no signs of birth defects, and the four chambers of his heart are formed.  The u/s tech said we got a "A+" and that he was a very active baby (oh dear). Since he's so close to the front, she'd nudge his little body from the outside and he'd sweetly settle into a new position so she could examine his different parts. What a good little guy! We even got a (slightly creepy looking) 3D since he was so cooperative:

Look at his little 3d gremlin face!

I'm going to be honest, the anatomy scan was a BIG deal to me, especially seeing the spine. I used a heating pad on my stomach very early in pregnancy to deal with muscle cramps (before I found out that's a big no-no) and had myself convinced I gave the baby spina bifida (and was driving everyone around me crazy worrying about it). I burst into tears in the car afterwards because I was so relieved that he was healthy and growing normally. I think this is just the start of a lifetime of mommy-worry. God help me. 

So, now we get to start planning the nursery and considering names. It feels so much more real now than before, knowing that "it" is a "he". I admire people that have the patience to wait to find out what they're having, but I wouldn't trade this knowledge for the world. I can't wait to meet this little gentleman. 

Um, Mrs. Laura...

"...somebody told me that you're having a baby!"

So begins some of my most favorite conversations with my kids lately. Usually, my pregnancy been discussed in the lunch room or on the bus and they want confirmation (and are always surprised when I tell them it's true), though one little girl told me her younger sister announced it at the dinner table (Apparently she shouted, "I HAVE GOOD NEWS! MRS. LAURA IS HAVING A BABY!") There have been some truly hilarious reactions from my students, especially since they span Kindergarten all the way to 4th grade. Here's some of my recent favorites:

A K boy (as he runs after me down the hall): "HEY! HEY MRS. LAURA! I heared you're gettin' pregnant!"

A K boy: "You're pregnant?! (cue disgusted look on his face) Why?!"

A 1st grade girl: "Congratulations! I can't believe you just had a baby!" (I explain I haven't had it yet. She stares at my stomach for a good minute) "Wait. It's IN there?"

A 1st grade boy: "You're having a baby? Ugh. ANOTHER one?" (I explain this is my first child, so yes, I'm having a baby, but no, not another one)

A 3rd grade girl: "Are you excited?" (Yes) "You won't be when it's time for it to come out."

A 3rd grade boy: "You're pregnant? Well that's not good news. Who wants a baby?"

A 4th grade boy (shaking his head sadly): "I really hope it's a girl...for your sake. Boys can get pretty messy."

A 4th grade girl: "If it's a boy, I really like the name Carlos. Yep, definitely Carlos. It sounds AWESOME."
(I told her I'd run it by Mr. Laura)

Just a mini update

This one's gonna be short & sweet...
Today marks the last day of month 4! Tomorrow I'm officially a 5 month preg-Nancy. Wowza!

Here's my end of 17 weeks photo. I wish I was better about taking pics earlier each week, but I usually look like trash during the work week (thanks to a 15 minutes-before-I-leave-the-house wake-up time lately) so its generally a no-go. According to my husband's family friend, I'm "really bumping out!"

I also think I'm feeling more frequent movement. I really can't wait to a. find out what I'm having and b. feel the first real kick from the outside. Thursday is the anatomy scan! Eeee!

In other news, we just got a new camera and we're picking it up tonight. I'm hoping to get a little fancy with the picture taking from here on out...and practice for some major paparazzi once this little bebop arrives.

Also, big congrats to my former lib co-worker Kari--we're due on the same day! If we happen to be in the hospital at the same time, the plan is to find each other and high-five mid-labor...if I'm not crying inconsolably/unconscious/dead since my vision of childbirth is decidedly horror-movie quality. Mommas out there--tell me it's not so bad? Or am I right on?

Oh,and one last thing. I want everything from this etsy store for the nursery. I mean, seriously! Adorable!

Hey, hey baby!

Well, it's been a pretty ridiculously long time since I posted on here, and an update is fully in order.
Since my last post:
I went to New Orleans for a conference with my mom:

My best girl since age 5, Jessica, got married:

My dog wore this:

My cat did that:











I've been continuing to cake pop it up with Sarah, and...

Oh yeah. I got knocked up.

Doug & I are over the moon about it. We kept it a secret from everyone but closest friends & family through the first trimester, but the word is out now. As of Saturday, I'm 17 weeks along, and we scheduled the anatomy ultrasound at my doctor's appointment today, which means in 2 weeks I'll be decking this blog out in either pink or blue. My inner crazy, type-a, super control freak self has been secretly counting the seconds until we can find out if this is a little miss or a little mister. I mean, hello! We have a nursery to decorate! Bedding to consider! Clothes to buy! And probably worst of all...names to pick! D & I have been finding names to be a particular challenge. If it's a boy, we're pretty set on our name (but keeping it a sorta secret until the baby is born. I think it's creepy when people refer to a pregnant woman's stomach by name) but if it's a girl...oh dear. Lourdes Hospital may just be posting "baby girl" on their announcement page instead of an actual moniker at the rate we're going. I think it may be a teensy weensy bit because my personal criteria for our future little person's name is somewhat extreme. I'm looking for a name that:
1. Is not made up, trendy, invented, or so unique that no one has ever heard of it...
2. But not so common that a million little ones will have it--I'd like something kinda unique
3. Is classic but not common (see #1 and #2)
4. Sounds good with Laura (this is the hardest part)
5. Lends itself well to nicknames
6. Can work for a cute little baby all the way to a professional adult
7. Is easy to spell and pronounce, and not so out there that people scrunch up their noses and say "ugh" when they hear it
8. (This is where the list narrows waaaaay down) Does not remind me of one of the 500+ kids I teach daily
9. Does not already belong to a member of our family or friends or even acquaintances, really, because see #2

The problem (I mean, before you get to #8 and #9 which I can acknowledge are a little impossible) is that some of these criteria are in direct opposition to one another. Elizabeth is easy to pronounce, classic, lends itself well to nicknames...but fails #3. It's too common. Penelope meets #1, 2, 3, 4, 5...but majorly fails #7 and Doug hates it. I could go on for ages! How does anyone ever choose the name that their child will live with for the rest  of their life? This is quite possibly the hardest decision I've ever made...and don't even get me started on cribs, strollers, and baby gear. It's enough to drive you to drink (virgin, please).

Anyway, this has been the all-consuming portion of my life lately, and D & I still can't believe our house will soon be inhabited by another living, breathing (pooping, crying, puking, never-sleeping) human being. It's all a little surreal. Thank God I have other mama-friends going through it now or already having done it to be my safety net/support group, and of course, my awesome husband, although sometimes we look at each other and say, "What did we just get ourselves into?" with a combination of joy and panic in our voices.

Also, I've been taking weekly belly pictures, and can I just say, I look SO much more pregnant at night? It's really amazing. Here's the latest and greatest as of today (16 weeks, 5 days).

In other news, our basement should be (finally) getting fixed from the great September flood. I'm pumped (ha! literally! we're getting new pumps installed!) since the contents of the basement may or may not be currently residing in the soon-to-be-nursery. However, that mess is a post for another night. In the meantime, I'm off to drink my nightly banana chocolate milkshake--I might as well enjoy it while I can! 

A sigh for England.

(Disclaimer: this post was written about three days ago, but I was lazy about uploading pictures to go along with the post. So, read this like it's actually Tuesday.)

I woke up this morning with a massive case of the blahs.

More specifically, I had a dream about being in Europe...and damn it if it didn't throw me into a funk for the entire day. I miss that place, those adventures, more than I can ever describe. I go through this about once a year, and feel the same way, and just ache and ache for youth and wildness and adventure and freedom. I don't know if it's because I was at a personal low before I went and it turned me around, or because everything felt so exciting all the time, or because the people I met there remain, to this day, some of my very best friends on the planet, but I would literally give everything, anything, to get back there and feel that way again.

Maybe it's also because the summer is winding down, and I don't want it to end. Life feels like it's changing a lot around here. I'm back at my job (thankyougod) in September, but I'm giving up coaching cheer. It was time for me to step away, for a whole big list of reasons. I'm feeling a little sad about the end of a chapter, but for the most part, the sadness has been overwhelmed by a giant sense of relief. Doug and I are coming up on our one year anniversary, and we're talking family and babies, which is thrilling and terrifying all at once. Can I be brutally honest? There's a huge part of me that feels like life just ends when you have children. I don't mean that in a horrible I-hate-babies kind of way, because the truth couldn't be more opposite. I love children. I desperately want to have children. I have awful child-envy for my friends' little ones. But then, I think to myself: I didn't get back to Europe (though I should be grateful I got to go at all). I didn't finish writing a book. What about driving across the country? Seeing California? What about living a big life filled with adventure? What about all those things that I promised myself I would do, see, be, experience? Does anyone else feel the same? Advice?

Sometimes I think my dreams of what I want to happen are hindered by my need to over-plan everything and my raging jealousy of what other people are doing with their lives. I gave myself a big long speech on this blog about living in the moment and being grateful for what I have a few months ago. Yet, here I am, wishing for the life I haven't lived yet. Sigh. I'm hopeless.

In productive news, I managed to tackle some of the summer list I posted about a month ago. To date, the vines are out of the front (huzzah!)
BEFORE:

DURING:

There's an after that I'll add once I actually take a picture, with flowers and mulch...but again, sheer laziness has set in. Moving on...

I'm winding down on my statistics course (and pulling down a 100 average, heck yes!). We've gotten in touch with a contractor and should be moving along with the basement repair soon. The organization...well, I planned to do that today, so you can see how well that's working out for me (side note: it's now Thursday. I still haven't touched it, though I have read two books this week. Priorities!). We got Oscar a bark collar that literally changed him into the dog of my dreams overnight. It was miraculous. On the baking front, we're booking a table at the CV Craft Show and plan to debut some new delicious treats there (Maybe with a new business name. Thoughts?).

As for writing, I've been failing at that. I don't know what my roadblock is, but every time I sit down to do it, I find something else to do. Same with exercise. Oops.

I'm hoping before the summer ends, I can get to NYC to see a long-lost friend, plan a trip to see my bestest long-distance girl in the G-Raggedy for sometime before 2012 and the end of the world, pull myself together and WRITE already, and really, truly, get rid of the junk in our house.

For today, I'm doing really well at #8 on the original list...and maybe checking out airfare to England.